A report from 9 + months clear,
Time doesn't cure all! hehe. My quiting "program" is not the same as most here in Olga. I left SL software on my machine, and Avatars on the Second Life grid. I have 'Live' email addresses for IM [instant messages] from the grid connnected. All of this is NOT to be Recommended. hehe I just wanted to keep something to "resist", something to fight against.
I actually let Lindens pay off my allowance [ $400L / week to my account for months and then converted it to PayPal. I've donated some of that CASH to Olga.
All this does come at a price. A couple of months ago I saw my group was changing names and reworking their membership. I went online - and dropped the old group [ Mowry Bay Cruising Club ] and joined the new group - [ Leeward Cruising Club ] just so I could look at the Instant messages from the new sailing group. Total online time <5 minutes. [ A fellow and I had run the group for a solid year every week - yea, pretty obsesive Tory, I know LOL ]
Since that moment I haven't logged into the SL software. I want to let everyone know -- Even after months [ in my case 9 months + ] off the software you still must be vigalant to not "drop in again".
I fully expect that I will never be clear of my addiction to Second Life. Like a junkie / alcoholic who can not even take that one shot / that one drink I may remain mentally a captive of the software package that grew inside of my brain for 3 years 7 months. I will and MUST continue to resist the lure that the Second Life offers and I will not succumb to its draw.
-Tory
Are you saying you are 9 months clear but still go into SL? Or are you sharing that at 9 months clear, you went back and so be careful out there, the addiction is cunning, baffeling, and powerful?
gl tory, hang in there
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Cajun,
My message is be diligent, and be aware of the addiction. When you load the syringe think twice.
-Tory
Note taken Tory!!!
Wow!! I gotta just say.. WOW! You left the software on your computer ... AND.. you still get offline ims????? Holy cow Tory.. you're my fricken hero!!! LMAO I mean.. THAT is some feat.. laying the temptation right out in front of you like that, however, I get it. Its your own inner drive and your will keeping you from it!!! That is some strong woman you got inside you girl!
I had to get rid of it all, knowing my weakness :( But, after I cancelled my accounts, one day decided that was going a bit too far, so sent the email to have them reactivated. They are now active.. but I haven't logged in, nor do I ever plan to reinstall that software. For me, it would be like tieing an open bottle of vodka around my neck while quitting drinking lol!
Now, I see your strength and your resolve clearly in your post. However, remaining 'mentally captive' does not strike me as something I want to happen to me!!! Whaaaaaaaa!! I wonder... just wonder.. if you did delete all of your offline messaging and just planned to ignore it all, if that would help? I had to purge everything - even my toon art - from my computer... and I'm thinking on it less and less.
But... as you say... remain 'alert'. I'm still not 'sober' in my mind after many years alcohol free.. but it doesn't irritate the hell out of me anymore!!!
Gawsh.. that was long and blabberish :P
XOXMaud
I am recovering from a gaming addiction, which has robbed me of my actual life for the past year or so. Presently on a fairly annoying emotional roller coaster and not to be taken too seriously ;)
I'm an alkie who was active for 10 years and cannot take one drink, but I'm not mentally captive. I think about having a drink maybe once a year, and the thought only lasts seconds before it passes.
Similarly with gaming, I don't exactly feel captive to it. I hardly ever think about gaming, but... I guess I am still captive to its obsessive energy, it's just that I've set up new patterns where I immediately turn to less destructive substitutes (like web surfing and watching videos.. but my intention is to gradually decrease my dependency on those substitutes.)
I feel 100% free of my alcohol obsession and don't doubt that a similar result is possible with gaming.
My message would be: Don't load the syringe! Don't start that first game, don't look at anything related to it, call your sponsor or friends in recovery first. Get off the computer, pray for the obsession to be removed, and play the tape through to the end.
Scott
What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.
Maud and Scott,
THANKS ! for the insight and solid thinking. Maud. Yeah, its dumb to do what I do... but then I was in the SL software for 3 years 7 months. Now THAT was really dumb. hahaha!!
I really should turn off the IM -> email thingy. That will save me the trouble of looking in there to see - yep N O T H I N G there -- hehe.
Scott - we have our history here in this forum and YOU are a better thinker than I am. I shouldn't feel the need for a loaded hypo to prove I don't need it... Well placed thought to my anology which probably doesn't really relate to this online jones I have.
I hope to repond to this later. I have to get Dinner ready !
-Tory
Tory, I like the term you used, "mentally captive". That's rather how I feel about the game I left. Even though I did get rid of all my accounts there and even though I wrote 50 reasons why I was glad I was out of it, I still would go back in a heartbeat, given the opportunity. Of course, I won't ever give myself the opportunity, but still....I would love to go back. I wish I could be free from that mental "prison" I find myself in, however, but not sure how...perhaps doing the 12 steps is the answer or perhaps time away from it will help me forget and be free.
Anyway, I think you're pretty brave to keep all of your avatars. I sure couldn't have done that. I think I would obsess over them too much. It's bad enough with not having them. Take care and stay strong!
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson
Olga Friends,
Thanks for the good suggestions! I have disconnected the IM -> Email connection on my remaining 4 avatars. Silver: I did have ~ 4 others but not really any folks knew of them. lol. So that is done. My main one -Tory Micheline still has a monster load of photos on Picassa...[~3400 total] Just a history of my life in the Second Life. One step at a time, folks! I'm not going to delete that work of love and sweat, but this new move does feel good after 37 + weeks [ 264 days ] of getting out of my second life and rejoining my real life world. Again, I appreciate everyones help.
-Tory
Tory,
You really like that balancing act. And you seem to be able to fall on the net side. No advice from me, as I am still in the SL in a moderate way: 2 - 4 hours per week. Sometimes I wonder why I look in.
Hey Tory,
Maybe that was a good move... a move toward freeingyourself from the 'mental captivity'. I know i can't delete my photos yet, but some wise person suggested I take them off my harddrive and upload them to server type photo thingy, which I did do.
I'm still a little 'hard wired' to the game, but I think these little steps help me disengage mentally from that world.
Keep up yhour great work Tory and thanks for sharing!
XOXMaud
I am recovering from a gaming addiction, which has robbed me of my actual life for the past year or so. Presently on a fairly annoying emotional roller coaster and not to be taken too seriously ;)
I have to say WOW Tory, i don't think i would be able to keep the game in my machine without any temptation. I wish i could at least keep a good memory of that game, i worked so hard on my toon (yeah literally 20 hours per day)... i decided to erase everything related to that game, photos, software and my recently recovered toon... actually after i quit i gave my HD a huge format and i installed again my work software and those are so heavy that if by any chance i install again that game my laptop would crash lol.
See you around ^^
Thanks-- Members of the Olganon,
In some ways, I really didn't have a monster addiction to my Second Life. That is compared to stories I hear of folks playing 12 hours a day! Wow! That would beyond my ability!!!
I joined the Olganon as I felt that the Second Life was really playing havoc with my RL relationships and I was driving myself to get more involved with my [ Second Life "LIFE" ] and more than I felt was healthy. I was in my Tory persona from 8 pm - 10 pm pretty much Monday - Friday. I did log on before work for 15 minutes and did email at work on occasion. This was a disaster being a commodities trader and using email from other Avatars on a company computer! lol
I feel strongly that its important to leave a game when it interferes or begins to dominate a persons real LIFE.
See my signature file for my 6000 word for the long and long of this. [Tory's Story] hehe. As I have said earlier: Please don't view my "quitting" method or technique to be valid or effective. It works for me; however I am not sure of its legitimacy.
-Tory
Members,
I hope I am of some help to those reading my "stuff". Often I feel that I offer very little to the gamer trying to quit or the relapser trying to get back on the wagon.
I have gained a great deal from my fellowship with x-gamers and x-second lifers.
Take care and just "do it" - One day at a time. I count up to 267 days now.
-Tory
are you at day 5 or day 267 right now?
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Yay! Tory!
I have prob. read every one of your posts in Olga, and thank you for sharing your entire story - from in-game to finally quitting!
We have all had unique experiences in our gaming world, but the the absolute baseline commonality in here is the 'difficulty with stopping/leaving' factor. So, your experiences are as valid as the next and i for one appreciate you sharing.
The very first night I discovered Olga, a memeber send me a link to your thread on how to leave the game. I applied some of those strategies and really found that post useful. So, thank you for that as well.
For those of us still in a 'delicate' stage of recovery, your strength, conviction and insights are inspiring through your posts.
XOXMaud
I am recovering from a gaming addiction, which has robbed me of my actual life for the past year or so. Presently on a fairly annoying emotional roller coaster and not to be taken too seriously ;)
I am so "unclear" at times... Don't worry you are not alone in not understanding me. hehe.
I have "QUIT" my Second Life since May 20th 2010.
Best thing I every did. Saved my relationship and most likely my career.
-Tory