hello Im new to this program Ive been a game addict for as long as i can remember. I can recall being 5 years old on the atari, by 10 I had a big problem, as my brother and i would fight all the time, to be able to play the game console, it often lead to violence, crying and our parents screaming, which in turn led to some more violence... anyway i am a 34 years old man. ive ****ed away most of my life. I know I will go far in recovery, because I have far to go... Needless to say Addiction for me has gone beyond games, I am in drug/alchol recover almost 7 years, and in regards to games I know *****. ive been on and off several times, and my thinking brings me back again. I even used the story that games let me get clean, but the lie is that the games are just as destructive as any drug, its a slow death, another form of nightmare. I am scared to live with out games, gaming is "who I am" in many areas its all I know. My esteem was/ is broken, and ive bought into the lie that "well im good a this so this is what i should continue to due, i know what im doing I dont have a problem etc" has caused me untolled pain and suffering. most of my success in life has been through virtual reality, whether I was High on drugs or lost in the dungeons of a game...Ive been lost. So today is my first day clean from the machine, I am feeling really pulled, and sickly about stoping again. I feel like a real loser, and it hurts me. my mind just wants to hold me hostage, 'why cant i be 'normal' just drink like others play a game here and there, be strong and sane" but I cant, it is a heavy feeling truly and I do need help. I have so much potential and gifts, yet so many oppertunitys i have wasted by not being present and aware, frankly Im afraid to look at what ive missed, the shame is...shameful. ive worked most of the steps before, ive studied self-help, became a bodyworker and healer, yet I hold this burning disease in side, its like i am afraid to stop hurting, Im afraid to stop the agony...what has gone wrong... Just for today I admit I am powerless over my disease of gaming, my life has become unmanagable. I do believe a power greater than myself could restor me to sanity, just for day i believe i starts here G.O.D. group of dependence. Thank you all for any/and all support....At some point I need to free up my facebook account, which is very valuable for my work, but I have so many games attached, and have so many "friends" i dont even know in the slightest, it digusts me, and today i will not touch it will a 10 foot pole, but could use some suggestion...for the future... Dam we are really as sick as our secrets...Thank you again, May you all be happy and well
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Welcome, onedatatatime. Glad you found us.
The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09
so sleepless, and tired...yeah...Thx Real... i am proud that ive figured out how and have removed he connections/links on my facebook account. and ive removed about 10 'friends' so far tha r purely gaming accounts...may have up to 200 to go.. but i figure if i do ten a day, then it will be about 3 weeks...from this perspective things dont look so bad. this was really a good day, considering, i got to help a friend out RL, that was having family trouble and having my atention on her really shifted, me... Funny i then got to see the movie 'the shift', by dr wayne dyer, and that also has shifted me 4 the good. i can do this i can be restored to sanity, just need to stay vigilent and use all the tools i have, i am very grateful for OLGA. I dont feel so alone, and though i still have alot of reading from this site i know im now in the right place. just need to experience, what im experiencing..what a concept...duh thank and much love
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Hi Onedayatatime, Welcome to the site. I am really proud of you for admitting that gaming is also an addiction for you. It sounds like it felt good for you to help your friend (re: the above post) . Those are the things that make the real world so rewarding! I like to remind myself every day that each day is an opportunity to touch another life...but you have to be "aware" to catch the opportunities! Try to find at least one person you can help or do something kind for each day...I think it will help you not to focus so much on what you are trying to avoid, to get out of your addict mind for a few moments. Do you think that is something that might be helpful? Just a suggestion. My husband is 39 and feels worthless...unless he is gaming I guess. It is hard to be on this side of it to because the times that I see him as worthless are when he is gaming and deriving his esteem from pixels and people he has never met.
Hi Oneday--I'm having another insomnia moment and thought I would come post a bit--I'm in chat if you want to chat. Welcome again--I posted elsewhere I am a drunk active in AA as well--after about 8 years sober, I failed to continue enlarging my spiritual life and developed an addiction to gaming. Through the help of OLGA, the steps, my sponsor, and HP, I've been able to be game free for 2 months. The earliest weeks were hard, withdrawal was very humbling for me. It felt like such an "up town" addiction, so no one was more suprised than I that I had a very physical response to withdrawal and spent several days vomiting and nauseated. That plus fatigue, as well as just "mush brain" and feeling like I couldn't think! It does get better. The same basic process that you used to get clean can work here again. Feel free to read and post on the first several steps, grab yourself a sponsor and all that. It's good stuff!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
Oneday: The honesty of your post is quite striking. To admit to feeling fear, shame and regret is a huge step, I think, but now that you have faced and spoken the truth about your addiction, the rebuiliding of your life can begin. Your ability to help a friend in need, even as you realise your 'bottoming' is an indication that you are not burdened with indifference to life and the plight of others- this is a wonderful place for you to start. Honesty really is freedom. Truthfulness is respect- for yourself and your audience who will in turn respond honestly and compassionately toward you. Welcome to Olganon- you are in the right place, with wonderful and caring people.
congrats on making it through your first day ! . . I wish you many more to follow, one day at a time 8)
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Sounds like you can talk the talk... now its time the walk the walk!
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Welcome. :) Why wait to delete all the gaming friends on facebook? That just makes the whole thing take longer, and is likely to be more triggering to you. Don't make things any more difficult than they need to be-recovery is hard enough as it is. Why not just take 30 min and delete all of them at once? Then you're DONE! Do the same with all your gaming related things-delete everything, break the disks, get banned, whatever you need to do, and don't make excuses why you should keep some of it. If you feel like logging in game again to delete your accounts would be triggering, fair, but at the very least delete the games and give the accound passwords to someone else. Make sure its someone who will never give them back. After you've done all of that, go out and LIVE!
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonothan Kozol
Yesterday I deleted my facebook account because I was seeing in myself becoming lost to that world. Yes, to me the potential for my involvement with facebook was damaging me at a fast rate. Games? They were there and ready and able to take me out very quickly if I had just accepted that request to play scrabble. I'm in recovery from games and dont need the psycho-babble that my old enemies pretending to be sweet harmless friends now are speaking. If I want to reconnect, I will go to classmates.com.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Thx for all the suggestions! I worked out how to hide people, so that is good...very good and I did manage to turn off all the apps/games from notifications and friends gaming broadcasts, so yeah. Today has been great, i was out all day, at first helping some and then later I was at a gallery were my working is hanging and it was very good, its were i should be most days... tonight i feel i will sleep much better, and am grateful to be free just for today from my addiction. thank you GOD, for everything, for everyone, and for me! in 1.5 hours and ill have 2 days insanity free...well atlest gaming free[...lol ;)
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Woohoo! Gogo on that 2 days!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
miday fiday...im alright Had some healing done wih a naturalpath, it was verygood, then i had to take my cat to the vet, hes been sick, but is doing ok. the problem for me is he needs injection everyday, and its been hard for both me and my partner. i just came in after sitting outside with him for almos 2 hours, I feel good and bad at the same time, inspired and sad, im now just tired. Ive come to understand that depression is angry turned inward. I guess it makes sense, im angry very angry, but i dont believe its safe for me to express it, so it builds up..i get depressed...then Using looks good, a (im)perfect way to numb myself from being. dam I am so worked up on hateing life, even though i fight so hard for it...crazy is as crazy does, so for now im here typing for help and as a way to help myself. it doent always have to make sense, I need to mediate on the mantra of WHY = BECAUSE simple for a complex mind. im supposed to go to yoga tonight with my gf but i just dont feel good about it. partly becuase i couldn make it to the gallery today, with cat care etc. these are the times when gaming would be the solution. kinda in the middle of certainy, a confused state of being. really it comes down to what should i do..now. it just seems such a hard question to resolve and decide. i just want to check out...somehow... lol funny thing is ive been battling this feeling for so long, ive given up booz, drugs, cigerates, caffine, porn and now games. and the fn feeling is here. i need to feel it and not respond, is what i belive is the wisdom, but dam is it uncomfortable, a very very strong uneaseness...or i guess dis-ease. hmm well i guess im on the disease, ill just sit here typing feeling this illness untill it passess for now....wow nautious, exploding...its passing now. dam its like what one of my sponsors once said...crudely " Feeling are like gas, at first it hurts and is uncomforable, and when you let it go it will stink for a moment, but then its gone..." thx J.R. for that wisdom... ok i do feel alot better in the last 5 minutes. this iha been a great tool...thx for reading...May you all be Happy and Well...
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Hi Oneday--sleep if you feel tired. People here repeatedly encouraged me to do that when going through withdrawal. If you are feeling nausea (and wow I hope you aren't)--I had the same thing, spent several days nauseated and vomiting. It passes! Hang in there!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
yeah ive been in bed reading and watching TV basically since i last posted. fell asleep for a little bit, no yoga...just dizzy and achy, but i atlest have an idea of what im going through, thank GOD. it helps have this understanding, even though it is unpleasant, no vomiting!but upset stomach and just random nausea etc...thx desire for your help...few hours till my 3rd day!!! gonna watch some more Boston Legal and laugh...with some grace ill fall asleep too!!! before very late....
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Hope you feel much better Oneday--it really does pass. I found movies a nice way to pass time when nauseated. "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey stands out, and I watched "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler--"Bedtime Stories" is a family movie, so a bit goofy. For the most part simple was good.
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
ok day 4 completed...do I get an energy boost, or get a change to fight this levels boss?
lol...i get to go to sleep with a less active mind...very grateful...whats this strange feeling of ? is it possible? some peace ahhh... anyway full day of good work, and an evening wih my gf at a Jello party with a 70's theme... VR or RL today i plugged into RL... I must say I did have my moments today when things were a bit, icky, things feel different, and i get times when things feel unreal...i guess years of VR as my only reference point for existance, makes RL feel unreal...lol wow what an experience...thanks all of you
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Around 8pm, im going a little nutty here, started nail biting, and i did sleep 12hours, things feel crappy though really there isnt anything wrong, i just feel wrong, just used a hour to list some stuff on ebay, thought id feel good about it, but still rather empty inside, I am very much feelinbg withdrawl, i wish i knew how to get out of myself wright now, service or something, but tonight looks like it gonna be hanging watching tv..sigh...the roaler coaster is a rolling...just wondering what this feeling is im experienceing i think its bordom with some good spicing of depression, darn that anger turned inwards...would like to go for a walk buts its been raining and is also very dark out...this is one of though hold on to my seat...evenings...well thx for reading, this is a nice presure release, I believe i will have 5 days in 4 hours....so im alright...
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Hey Oneday, hang on...it gets better. You can always feel free to greet the new addicts who arrive here, folks with less time than you. That's a great way to be of service!
Sometimes I would call friends and just ask them how they were doing. It was nice to listen to someone elses' problems!
Don't be afraid to go stand on your back porch and listen to the rain, I don't know if you have a porch, balcony, patio, or whatever. Sometimes, even under an umbrella, it's just good to get fresh air.
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
hey desire, thats does sound like good advice.
the edge is less now, i made a few trips to the trash site, a couple of minutes each way, its was only barly raining then, I just feel stress about, God knows what my neuro chemisty is up to...I also got to attend the last few minutes of a OLGA meeting, im gonna now pay attention to when they r and make them when im home...kinda wierd from a RL meeting but very good for me... on a scale from 1-10 im in the 3-5 range...before 1-2 so thats improvement. Yes I will see what i can do to share with others here, not a fast typer, but that will improve too...cant vouch for the spelling though ;)
3 hours and counting....one day, one hour or one second at a time....
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
one day, is now 6 just for today
i did pretty well today, felt some confusion and sad/depression, but mostly i was aware of it not so much in it, i still haven been feeling to modivated, extra tired, but over all ok.. i had a few moments today when i was wondering how my charaters were doing, and id like to see their progress, and who atacked me ect.. but it labeled crazy and moved on...got to spend a good 2 hours at verizon zzz to update my phone, and when to best buy, to price a camera, and resisted the desire to look at the pc games...proud of myself....sleepy yeah thats a good thing! peace and well being to all.
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Great job! Yeah that fatigue really comes in waves sometimes. Sleep is healing is what I remember being told.
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
Sleep definitely is healing. Sleeping is also several hours at a time when you don't have to deal with cravings, which I remember being grateful for at first.
You're going good Oneday. The withdrawals usually go away within 2-3 weeks, so things get easier in that respect. It's really important to do physical things initially, even though you may not feel much like it. Take a walk even if it's raining, clean, run up and down the stairs for 10 min if you have any, mow the lawn, etc.
First, physical things get you off the bed or couch. I find sitting a lot eats up my energy (odd as that may sound) and makes me more likely to spend too long on the computer or want to game. Exercise also releases endorphins, literally making you happy and they last for a few hours. It just has to be light exercise too, not like you have to be sore cuz of it later. And personally, I find that physical things take my mind off gaming. When I'm having cravings I often look for a project to do or go run or something.
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonothan Kozol
Oneday, hang in there. YOu are doing great getting through withdrawal.
The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09
Tnx All, im very tired, was up to 5.30 am last night, which is today... i made it to a yoga class and it did do me wonders. ive been troubled just letting myself withdrawl, i feel such hatred/angry against myself, that things arent better quicker...if a game took this long id never play it...could this be the problem? i want to think of something then click it till its gone, and if i dont like it id just change the game. RL certainly aint like that, it takes patience and endurance and uncomforablitity to make changes, real work...some times i feel my disease is an allergy to work...ie life. I can agree, at this point that I believe that you all believe i can do it, that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity, and that ever prayer I make is that one extra step towards recovery, an oppertunity to turn my will over to my H.P. A decision. So just for today i will give myself a break and follow some suggestions, get some sleep and be ok with things not looking the way i want them to;have faith and remember to hold on to my past experience and the experience's of others, that this too shall pass, we do recover; one day at a time
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
remember we make a decision, to turn our will (thoughts) and our life (actions) over to the care of God (Higher Power) as we understood him (it). Its like a code. We dont actually turn our will and our life over to the care of a (loving) HP, we only make a decision to do so.
Theres this story I tell all my sponcees of three frogs sitting on a log in the swamp. One of them makes a decision to jump into the water... how many are left on the log? the answer is three, the frog only made a decision to jump he didnt actually jump!
We ask our HP for guidance in our thoughts and in our actions in step eleven, so dont anticipate something thats pretty far off, unless you are already there.
And yes, prayer helps, a lot.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
That's an awesome story John. I love it! I'll probably even use it. :)
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonothan Kozol
Day 8 I think, losing track of things, a little chaotic.
strange day or two, tonight i wen tout with my gf and another couple, and it turns out that their new hobbie is playing WoW together, freaken weird! granted i havent played that game since it began but just wierd and im like no id prefer not to play, then they continue explaining how cool the game is etc...my gf looked at and smiled...Interesting creation...any way things are like a said strnge, wierd and alittle chaotic...been doing my best to focus on my home and organize a bit, but frankly i stink at it, and it drives me nutty. yet i waste so much time looking for things that should be easily availible, kinga a personal House inventory,lol.
thanks John for the reminder it helped, just sad when you feel you need to take action, and you just cant, really sad feeling. But i agree its a decision, and some moment it cant seem to do that, but this too will past. i think im experienceing irratation and anger the last 2 nights, guess that just what i need to feel, and not act out on...'feel the void, not fill the void' but not always that good at feeling it. but im game free today...even though i was tempted...wow it would be good to play WoW with them too!!!....but no that is pure insanity for me...if i think im suffering now, just need to start playing then the real suffering begins. Or is it that the pain with stop by playing and suffering will begin...thing is suffering continues but pain passess...just too cowardly some moments to feel the pain, even though i have an intellectual understanding, that it wont last long if i feel it...well im tired, just glad in one hour ill have 9 days....that really is something...just for today
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Sunday day 11
Im feeling depressed, Money it starting to be a big RL issue, just not selling enough of what i do to survive if this keeps up. Plus my expences for my cats just shot up, with vet care and meds. life is just too difficult right now, id like to exit out and restart on a different difficulty level, right abou now id prefer to chose EASY setting. Its been challenging to not check out with a game or for that matter anything. Geez it! what to do, what to do. i feel so paralized and stuck. I just applied online for 3 stores bestbuy, borders etc for another job, but after adding things up I will still be in the red. been selling stuff on ebay, maybe ill try selling on craigslist, Lifes challenges can kick your ***. Yet today im not gonna go digital gaming regardless of the sick uncomfortable feelings i have, just for to day i will clean up my apt. a little more than yesterday and go for a walk...and hopefully remeber to attend tonights meeting
[color=blue]Edited for By-passing[/color]
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
day 12 coming to a safe close, i did attend last nights meeting, if was very good for me and helped me greatly, today i went with visting family for a 4 hour hike at Tent Rock here in NM, so was really good for me too. but mid way feeling ired and hot, i started mentaly obsessing about games in the middle of a national park, surround by breath taking rock formations mountains etc. yet there i was for about an hour not present of in my fantasy world pondering...but it passed and the day has been actually good, just need to be here now and not fantasize too much about games or worry about the future. I also go a buddy here from OLGA to work on the steps together, so that will be a good thing to do around gaming, as it never got any real focus in the years past. ok im tired and gonna slep. 13th day 3 hours away...ill be ok sleeping past it...lol
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
2 Weeks in!!!
im a few hours from my 15th day, and friday ill have 7 years clean from drugs, there is alwayssomething just before anniversary. Well this time i progressed and admited I had a gaming problem and sought help. Thx GOD, today i began writing my first step on this symptom of my disease, it is great that I have the NA step workbook. If you havent seen it very good, i believe you can get it online for free. it very indepth and its easy to plug in any disease, which i just discovered...it like i never read it before in some places, yet its been read easly 20 time, go figure, God work in interesting ways! Feeling pretty good im guessing the worse (i hope) of the withdrawl has passed. Today shopping at Target, i passes by the games section, and saw a few games i was waiting to come out. I paused for a few seconds, and the grace of the divine led me away. It felt so very good...
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
WOOHOO! HAPPY DANCE!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
So glad to hear it Oneday! I seemed to notice a big difference at two weeks also, though it certainly hasn't gone away completely. But that's about when I stopped buying a new pint of ice cream every day. :-p
God bless.
The only winning move is not to play.
Hey thx both of you for your encouragement, it is well received.
so im doing better, interesting whats been showing up now, I am starting to feel a new(to my awareness) core of my dis-ease. its reaveling my co-dependy and under that what seems to be post tramatic patterns and pain. It's funny(no really) ive thought about the poop that had happened to me as a child, wicked violence and terror, yet years of therapy and talking about it to sponsors, ive kinda gained a non-chalant atitude towards it. But WOW is the stress/fear agony still present, is like a loud engine in the background, but ive been creating chaos to cover it up, or just numbing the noise, so to speak. ive been feeling better but today I was in an angry funk, jus plain old ****ed at it all, also having violent thoughts towards strangers for no real reason. Im just all burned up inside. I feel abit like a ticking time bomb. Fortunately commiting violence, is way old behavior, its not so much taken action but just the wave of fustration passing over me, red hot feeling. yeah im feeling it now, it like i really want to escape the pain but there is no way out, atlest thats the feeling, I have tools to use, starting with sharing... Argh im just ****ed off, it doenst have a reason. Im thinking its just years of stuff coming up, dam thats it, I used to cover up these feeling so I wouldn hurt myself or others, that i used to, in my teenage years ive been and have hospitalize through violence. I think thats when i used more, to cripple my tendance. So my action is to continue this weekend to work on the write of my first step, im also gonna contact 2 people in recover that live near me, one to ask to sponsor the other is also does counselling, and does heavy PTSD work. Im surrender just for today, that there is hope without dope, sorry it just rhymed better than games, ohh im at day 18 gaming free...
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Onedayatatime, I can't fathom the horrors that some people experience in this world. But I think that sometimes after experiencing bad things, we can use it to become better people. And by that I mean, become more compassionate to others who are experiencing what we once did.
As you're dealing with your own pain and suffering, can you take some of the evil and turn it into good by doing something like volunteering counciling for others than have gone through similar things? You might have to go back to school before you could do that, but in the long run, it might be very healing for you too?
Best of luck to you Onedayatatime. I think this is the hard part recovery, having to face some these things that are easier ignored. :(
The only winning move is not to play.
You know John, that makes sense. Thanks for sharing that with me.
The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09
I've thought about deleting my facebook for the same reasons. Instead, I just haven't been on in ages.
The only winning move is not to play.
I went to my old hotmail account today and found over a thousand emails, which I deleted because most of them were from my days which were spent browsing gaming sites and it felt good to do something else to enhance my game-free life. There were password reset requests and buy gold for $$$ today only emails, but none... none from my old gaming "friends".
I was tempted to reinstall but quickly prayed that this character defect be removed and I was granted an immediate resolve.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
I was tempted to reinstall but quickly prayed that this character defect be removed and I was granted an immediate resolve.
Yay! Oh man, thank you for the example! I'm struggling with a couple of defects this weekend!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
I wrote about the experience in more detail in my Blog at:
http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/17590
Hope it helps someone else too.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
3 Weeks of game free life!!!!
that's really all thats important right now, thx OLGA!!!
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
30 Days Game Free!!!
Today is a miracle, id never thought Id get this far, my life has chaged alot, and will continue to do so as there is alot more to change but i am hopeful just for today. Ive made 3 meetings online, have a sponsor, writing my first step, stared counciling session, startted appling for new jobs, been actively praticing Yoga, actually cleaned my house and most importanly havent played a Game for ONE MONTH!!!! Wow, what a relief, now I am looking a treating the problem not the symtom...One day at a time...time to eat.
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Yay, congratulations!
This is fantastic! I love hearing about leveling in real life!
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
Congrats on 30 days !!!
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
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Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Thirty days is a HUGE accomplishment. Congratulations.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things for a succesful healing journey.
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone
Onedayatatime,
Very well done! Long may you continue on this path.
Interesting that you mention yoga; I read somewhere recently, that others were using yoga with great success- to stop gaming.
whoa, 30 days! i'm not even counting today as day one because i'm still playing. but i read what you did at 30 days, not to mention how much more coherent your posts got, and i'm enheartened that i can do this.
Is This What You Do With Eternity? ~Groundhog Day
My gratitude speaks when i care and share the OLGA way!
That you again and again for all teh love and support, it really has been great for me, I am grateful. Now I need to share/ vent some chalenge that hit me like a ton of bricks just a few hours ago. I am currently unemployed, and Ive been looking for weeks now to little avail. Im rightly scared and frighten, im feeling very rapped and confused...lots of fear. I am grateful for my almost daliy pratice of yoga, and for tonights meeting. Yet earilier tonight I hada conversation with my Mom and frankly it didnt go well, it set me off on stupid then I took it out on my GF. Im really sorry for it, yet I needed help and i didnt get it the way I believed I needed it from them, and I acted out in angry and resentment. Im happy to say I didnt think of gaming as a way out, so im turning this over to God. I did get really negative and was tyhining very negative thoughts, including suicidal wishes. Unfortunatly this is a behavior that has been with me for many years. Im not saying Im gonna do it, its just the exreme resistance to experiencing what i am experiencing. I just want to turn it all off. But its about life, it's hard to stop wanting to turn the game of life off, im just a poor sport, or bad loser... I want what I want when I want it, just can't take no as an anwser.
My difficultly is in mantaining the recovery course, my disease has taken me to high levels of unmanagablity. Now Im feeling lost as what to do about it. After Im done writing I will call my sponsor...thank you God for that insight. Well I guess Id better go and act on that blessing now... I am trully gratefl for all of OLGA, thank you all for all you do.
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
As sick as your secrets.
Ive had a terrible week, yet I havent gamed, thx God. I was feeling ashamed about feeling bad, and didnt want to scare about it here. Now that is an illness, and this week it won a few rounds against me. Ive been feeling hopeless and depressed big time this week. I didnt go to yoga this week at all. Just been in a vwery self destructive mood all week. On the up side I finished my 1st step writing, still need to go over it with my sponsor. I guess this may be the next part of my recovery, coming to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. right now I can say im insane so I guess im in the right place. Ive been overwhelmed by hopelessness, and ******. Total despair and shame, thankfuly ive also started thereapy 2 twice a week, and I believe the combin yoga and therapy and recovery have needless to say stired up some stuff. So after tonight meeting here on Olga I saw how I was Edging God Out , so im writing again. This time i need to save my butt not my face, I so need help through this time in my recovery, feeling very very raw and vulnerable and yes afraid. I need to get a job, but ive been very discouraged and stoped looking this week, there is alot of tough choices to make in my life and I feel very ill prepared to make them, but todays topic for the meeting was about faith, so i guess i need to have some. Right now that seems like a tall order but what else am i to do, just feel so sad inside and anger. Feels really wierd having both at the say time. Boy am I screwed up, and boy do i need to recover...one day at a time.
[color=blue]Edited for By-passing[/color]
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)
Hang in there, it will get better.
You really aren't alone, and you aren't terminally unique either. Glad you have some counseling to help you.
For me personally I found moving along in my step work helped bring me some relief, and cleared out some of what I was gaming on top of. This doesn't mean I don't have feelings anymore, although sometimes I do harbor that "fantasy" that happiness means I'm not feeling anything but constant joy! This is about as realistic as how many hours I spent in game living via pixels.
I wish I could tell you that we never have hard days, and all that, but it wouldn't be true. But what I can say is this--when faced with the challenge and struggles of a bad day, a hard day of growth and struggle in recovery, I would not trade that in for a good day of addictive gaming. Even on my best days gaming, I was a slave, slave, slave and eventually I couldn't mash buttons and click my mouse fast enough to keep it all at bay.
I too have had some very painful times feeling anger, sadness, and even feeling profoundly broken. I too have times where I have an agnostic temperament and may act like I don't believe in a higher power/God/goodness/however people like to identify this. It does get better.
Don't forget to read the section in the appendices on Spiritual Experience--we aren't here for the burning bush. Some of us are garden variety, and when it says we are "trudging" the road to happy destiny--well I'm for sure a trudger!
When I am in a hard place, like what it sounds like you are struggling with, I will sometimes pray to see around the corner a bit, get a glimpse of where I am headed to. A long time ago a sponsor suggested this to me, and I found that when I most needed it I would get these little glimpses, scenes of what life could be like, images of what life could be like free of certain character defects.
Thank you for the reminder tonight, as I sit here balking at a few things myself. It's always good to have a reminder that there is more I can always be doing, and given what I'm encouraging my daughter to do, I could stand to take my own advice!
Hang in there, it will get better, I promise.
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
A better day...
Thanks Desire, just for today im doing OK. Ive applied alot more prayer into my life since my last post, and a strange thing happened untill sundays meeting I had my computer off for 4 days in a row...miricles are possible...lol. Ive been attend many more local RL meeting and im going over my 1st step in regards to gaming/disease with my sponsor tommorrow. Ive also been praticing writing in a journal,with a gratitude list evry other day or so. Todayand for the last few days Im much more at peace. regardless of the outside world's presure to the opposite. frankly i get the spiritual aspect of recovery today, and ifI ned to not have a job, with looking so then so it is writen, I can chose to be OK or happy regardless, what a concept! If im counting correctly tommorrow will be 2 months for me free from Gaming, most of the withdrawl sysptoms have ebated, but what is mostclear for me is the action of working a program, in the regard I most definitly have a most important job...recovery...
Celebrate the moment all!
Finding a Spiritual solution to my everyday problems. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the OLGA way. Deciding to Celebrate the Day, regardless of what I think about that. :)